A Regression

heres my rotten day, in weird unhappy stream of consciousness type dribblydrabble.

the morning, by third i wanted to scream and red red and i hate not knowing. it put off my whole day, languages, short temper, frustration, jealousy, all day. by 2 i gave up and talked to everyone i could find, help please, ask someone else, so i did and i did and i did. im nervous, im afraid, im inferior. council, principality? why be so tedious? so i go and i ask and i rephrase, and almost nothing, come back tomorrow, probably not. it has nothing to do with you. no no no. so its hot and im running to the bathroom to the only place in this huge brick building with a little door i can close, and im running and its hot and i sit. and i sit and its hot and the water is hot and drip drops off my eyeballs and i have to hold my breath to breathe, to be quiet. so come back tomorrow. now the water is cold and drip drops out of the sink and all over my head, and i have to go home, and im sitting in the car and im home, chocolate, wasting time. i have no willpower or will to do what i need to do. i dont know what i need to do but i know this isnt it. i know if i keep doing what im doing it isnt what i need to be doing. there are too many people and no way to make .04% of someones problem matter because all my problem is is .04% of someone elses problem.

Anyone else ever notice that Pocahontas has an Andalite nose?

I think I'm legally obligated to do this every year.

so yesterday was the first day of school. duh you knew that. but yesterday my schedule was eight types of crazy, so ill do this today. are you ready? are you STEADY?! ARE YOU GO?!

1. homeroom, mr lewis, 3rd floor annex. okay, so, hes sweaty. like really. but anyway, we wont ever have it practically. anna talley, morgan, audrey. you know, the reg. but not derek. darn stuco homeroom.

2. honors german one, mr sturgis, 3rd floor annex. uhm, mostly i joined this class when my schedule was rearranged because the sturge is a hottie. wow, im a terrible person. but actually, i think i might learn some german now that hermmann the germmann is gonne. its a really small class. george williford is in it, but i think its because his schedule is wrong, so thatll probably change. otherwise, just ragan oliver and lots of freshman. and the sturgeon.

3. preAP precalculus, ms halfacre, 1st floor main (T stem). this will almost definitely be my hardest class. i think that math has finally caught up with me, and my years of psh-i-can-do-this in math are over. but ill be okay. a pretty good selection: merce, annebel, and borany at my table, plus chris, evan, and a kid who looks like brian nickol.

4. AP english language and composition, ms wexler, 1st floor main (T stem). its conveniently about three doors down from precal. wexler seems less scary then i first imagined. i predict this class will be a hakuna. matata, that is. no worries, that is. it has merce, alex bransford, and eldridge green.

5. honors latin three, ms lafon, 3rd floor annex. basically im really excited. i mean, we have a quiz tomorrow on declensions. i mean, i know declensions. i mean, im really excited about doing well in latin again. and its the only latin three class, so it has everyone still in latin from part deux: annebel, hattie, moore, shelbizzle, surosree, trey harness, etc. i have officially sat behind annebel in latin since grade eight. and since theres only one AP latin class, ill sit behind her again in AP for a five year run. amazing!

6. AP US history, mr stephenson, 3rd floor annex. mr stephenson is so cool. plus, his name is michael stephenson and my dads name is michael stephens. i told him that and he said "you trying to get more extra credit?" and laughed. AP US is going to be hard but great. im really glad im taking it. eileen, hattie, k.ho, nhat, derek, andrew lu, virginia hine. basically, 9.5 white kids and 14.5 asians and thats it. how exciting to be a minority. i love asians. except not the ones who are above me in class rank. like shawn pan, also in this class. when mr stephenson asked chi what his favorite movie was, chi said, "can i get a different question?" it was hilarious.

7. honors US government, ms sugarmon, 2nd floor main (sr gym end). today in government we wrote sugarmon a letter about ourselves and then divided into "north, south, east, and west personalities." i am so totally not concerned about this class being hard at all. i think it might be a little boring, but thats it. it has lane, eric neimeyer, eldridge, and hannah shaffer. next semester devin will be in my economics class in the portables with coach mcdugle. the treck from 3rd floor annex to portables is going to be LOADS of fun. except not.

well thats all. still no classes with morgan. (besides freshman english i havent had one with her since the sixth grade, and before that not since pre-k. the world is hell-bent on keeping us apart. but it will fail!) i have c lunch with everyone from my latin class plus lilla. so thats pretty good. this year is really looking up. i really hope i catch on in precal. i really hope my life continues to go this well for a while. today i saw nathan and peter for the first time since before summer. it was weird and nice. peter and i had this amazingly ought-to-be-on-film moment when he said "do you have ap physics?" and i said "do you have AP US?" at the same time and then we both said "no" at the same time. it was perfectly on point. it was like that one part in aladdin. "theyre after me! theyre after you?!" we high-fived.

sometimes i think im on drugs

but then i wake up and it was a dream. like last night.

i was in a group of about ten people, and we were trying to see if there was a sign from above that somethingidontremember had happened/would happen/could happen, and apparently if it was so, there would be a "hot mark" (a burn? i dont know) on the back of someone with green eyes, which was just me and one other girl (it was the girl from camp with the weird style that changes every day), and she didnt have one but i did, and everyone got all nervous (as horses before a thunder storm).

then it cut to what were apparently the repercussions of that last scene, and it was buzz lightyear and woody climbing around this elaborate rectangular prism of what looked like the 3d pipes screensaver that comes with computers, and they were looking for something, but then someone hit a big red button, and the pipes turned into like a gazillion little rectangular white tiles, and woody and buzz were trapped inside! it was like they were part of the tiles. but buzz broke through the tiles with his tile head and the whole apparatus exploded and buzz and woody were floating around in this great expanse of blue with all this broken tile, and then woody spotted what they were looking for and started sort of swimming through the air toward it, but by the time he got there he was me and buzz was rider strong and there was someone else there too and we all had on scuba suits looking for this thing that i had just found, which turned out to be one red and one orange starburst.

so rider strong was trying to convince me that i shouldnt let this other guy who was there know i found the starbursts because he would take them and use them for evil. and it was all very gloomy and dramatic. so i hid the starbursts in my scuba suit and got out of the very large pool with the very dark water, and there were picnic tables with all the people from the beginning of the dream. then rider strong and the other guy got into this epic water battle. i dont know who won.

THEN suddenly i was at lakeshore on the couch thats in the library (only it was in the sunroom) with amelia and someone i dont know who goes to white station and someone else, and we were watching all of this happen on a really big tv. it was very intense, but suddenly it ended and it was apparently an episode of spongebob. and i fell off the couch and white station boy said to me, "why do they always play the intense and depressing episodes while we're here?" and i said, "i was just about to ask you exactly that." so he left and i told amelia we should go to sleep because we had to get up for breakfast.

and that was the end.

(questions? comments? analysis anyone?)

I FINISHED I FINISHED I FINISHED O MY GOD ITS DONE

four books. fourteen essays. six maths.

OVER.

Go for the Gold!

only nine essays to goooooo! or is it eight? who cares! its goin DOWN. aiaiai

ITS DONE. OVER. FOREVER.

ladies and gentlemen, i am now unemployed. and unlike in the case of, say, malachy mccourt, in my case, this is a good thing. i will miss the money, but i have saved almost 600 dollars since november, so i think ill be okay. thats 12 bucks a week for the next year. approximately. and i will not miss having no saturdays. i MISS SATURDAYS. im really happy.

in other news since whenever, i bought all my school supplies today. pens, pencils, dry erase markers, paper, graph paper, folders, graphing calculator, organizer, etc. all i have left are binders (because they were too expensive at office depot even without tax) and my traditional annual PhD pencil. so hopefully tomorrow ill get to officemax for those. [UPDATE 7Aug06: binders check. pencil check.]

and let me tell you. as of right now, there are eight days and about two hours of summer left. i have that much time to do the following: (i am comforted by lists)

1. preAP precal summer work. annebel and i started yesterday but, because we dont know how to work a graphing calculator, spent an hour and a half on the first problem and did not get done. but we're doing better now, and we're going to finish tomorrow, even if i have to call lauren huddleston and make her come over and help us. [UPDATE 6Aug06: done. basically.]
2. finish hiroshima. i started it today and plan to get halfway through tonight. its only about 150 pages so i should finish tomorrow or monday. [UPDATE 8Aug06: done.]
3. write an essay about hiroshima. that wont be very hard. two pages, ill do it monday. [UPDATE 8Aug06: done]
4. write five essays/notes about the grapes of wrath. ill do two of them on monday and three on tuesday. see? i have a plan.
5. write eight essays about the awakening. this scares me the most because i hated the awakening and i feel like nothing happened and the essays are boring. but ill do three on wednesday and three on thursday and two on friday.

this is the worst case scenario. mom thinks i can be done by tuesday but i dont have faith in myself. we'll see. by friday at the latest, according to plan, ill be done. and ill have the last weekend of summer to spend with anyone else who managed to finish their summer work with a weekend left. and saturday night at say about six which is when i would normally go to work, morgan and eileen, lets get calzones.

THE PAIRRRERRR OF THREE!

i believe in us.

Written while watching killer whales on Animal Planet

all my life i had been under the impression that i had seen edward scissorhands
until last night at one AM it came on tbs
and i discovered that i have been fooling myself.
i guess i just assumed i had seen it.
after all, every living breathing human i have come across
in all my sixteen years
has.

i must have convinced myself a decade ago that
because everyone knows edward scissorhands
i know edward scissorhands.
(wrong.)
last night at one AM
i experienced afresh the pale-faced flyaway-haired wonder that is johnny depp in a leather suit
and by three i knew that i was living a lie.

i wonder now what other of my experiences may have been figments of my overactive assumption.
did i never jump a rope ladder at age six
and break a wrist it took five casts to repair?
was i not baptised in fifth grade in front of god and two hundred devoted christians?
was i never kissed goodbye by my personal hero
before he moved several hundred miles out of reach?

maybe i have never knelt in wood or leaves
and put words on paper
in sentences and fragments, phrases, clauses,
currents of musings and narratives
of my experiences
any or all of which
may never have happened.

--sara st.

I Don't Know How to Turn Off My Brain

so i go to bed at 1130 and wonder for two hours or so. and then i get up again having decided, in my trying-to-sleep stupor, that i dont want to go to white station senior year. where i want to go is a school that will finish up my highschool education with a decent education, but that wont try to kill me with sleep deprivation. that didnt rhyme on purpose. i want a school where i dont have to worry about fifteen thousand asian boys beating me in class rank and knocking me out of fifteen thousand college scholarships that require me to be in the top ten. somewhere where i can focus. and i dont want district kids. but all schools have district kids.

that is, except private ones. and theyre expensive. but they have scholarships.

eileen was talking about going to boarding school. i thought that would be great. really. but eileen has access to far more money than i do.

i just need to get out of all this noise. theres too much distraction. i just need to focus and do well and have confidence in myself.

where can i do that?

i just dont know what to do with myself.

Lovely Weather We're Having, Eh?

the high tomorrow is 101. the high thursday is 102. oi vey! its been hot. today spencer and i went to breakfast and then to see a scanner darkly. but the studio wasnt open yet, and the three to four minutes we spent sitting on the bench outside was like DEATH. hot hot hot.

but it gives me good reason to stay inside on the computer. i mean reading the grapes of wrath. actually ive read about as much in grapes of wrath as the entire length of the awakening. and i started it... two days ago? three? no, two. anyway.

mouse is in town. eileen is home, but not for long. hattie is still in italy. baah. eileen is going to see amelia soon. scandaliz vandalistz + cory branan show is TOMORROW. i have been waiting for it for like, two point five months. approximately. its going to be the best of the best of the best. basically, yay.

in other news, i still have 500 pages of the grapes of wrath, angelas ashes + highlighting, about twelve essays, hiroshima, a two page report on hiroshima, and six lessons of precal to do this summer. YEEHAW. i guess ill get on that. or something.

love
sar(r)a

I Know You, I Walked with You Once upon a Dream!

o, what a dream! what a cast! last night i dreamt something i have no idea. but it was insane. there were tubes and a fight and an epic battle and explosions and backstages and narrow passageways and cacti and boys and girls and maybe parachutes! but o, the cast! it was brilliant. this dream featured the largest expanse of excitement in sara history. check it out: bobby drake, rogue, morgan, spot, claire danes, richard from superman, the crazy booblady who lives in that swamp in pirates two, taylor grimes, and bruce willis or mel gibson. i dont remember which. anyway.

uhm, i have no idea what happened, heres all i remember. morgan and booblady were in the epic battle as well as a lot of other unimportant people, and it went down in this like huge stadium with stairs and obstacles in the arena, and everyones signature move was dragging people down the stairs. and i was watching it with i dont remember.

also, there was this huge system of tubes that hung above memphis or maybe the whole world, and mel/bruce and richard and bobby and rogue and i were stuck in some sort of dilemna involving them. is that even how you spell dilemna? anyway i think we eventually solved the dilemna and went to the end of my block which is a dead-end if you dont know, and the guy and the end of the block has cacti (in real life! whats his deal?) and there was claire danes really upset about something. but eventually whatever she was upset about was solved and apparently i hadnt seen her in a really long time but we were good friends and we did this weird hand clasp thing. i really dont know what was going on with that.

o, and back to the epic battle, there was a narrow passageway that led backstage of the battle (?) and i was going along it with spot really fast because we were running late and he had my hand and it was really exciting. the only dialogue i remember from the whole dream was, "would you ever kiss a girl you only met yesterday?" and i dont even remember the response or what happened next but i bet it was great. and so we got to the fight and i think booblady might have won. she would.

and i dont know where taylor grimes fits in to all of this, but he was definitely there.

Who Wants My Job?

so, the first week of august i am quitting my job as the community relations assistant at trezevant manor, a retirement community on highland. let me tell you a little about it.

i go in three weekdays per week (occasionally four) for about three hours in the afternoon. contrary to popular belief, i do not then proceed to tend to old sick people. i work in the part of trezevant that is just a retirement community. there are also an assisted living center and a health center, but i am not involved with those. so all the old people are well and sane, if a little senile. i spend most of my time doing minimum wage work like making copies, folding calendars, stuffing mailboxes, delivering messages, compiling folders and newsletters, organizing the office, etc etc. except instead of minimum wage i get $8 an hour. which is really nice, if you dont know. my boss is a good boss and a pretty nice and laidback lady named carol. shes the director of resident services.

there is also a significant amount of unpredictable downtime. some days are incredibly busy, and others i have had up to two hours to just do homework or read or whatever i need to do, which is pretty convenient since, you know, i go to highschool.

the weekdays are pretty flexible. i work generally monday wednesday thursday, but the boy who had the job before me worked tuesday wednesday thursday, and its pretty easy to switch up a day if you need to. the only day that is not flexible is saturday. this is, in my opinion, the only downside to the job. i have to work saturdays from 6 to about 915pm, calling bingo numbers in the dining room. i have to speak loudly and clearly into a pretty bad microphone. i dont really know why i have to be there at six because i dont do anything till seven. but i do. the bingo is not difficult or confusing, its just that its saturday nights. however, my brother works every weekend until 11, so i guess its a pretty good deal.

i get paid about $170 every other wednesday for about 12 hours per week. however, if i wanted to, i could ask carol for some more hours, come in more often, etc, and thereby make more money.

also, i have to find my own replacement starting beginning of august. so, if you want my job, please tell me, for serious, and i will get you an interview.

also, you have to pass a drug test.

thanks for your time,
-sara

I CAN DRIVE!

Hallelujah, Grace Like Rain

you know, i think that is the same title as my post last year from when i got back from lakeshore. except i just looked it up and im wrong. it was "my heart and flesh cry out, for you the living god" from better is one day. but i did have another post called hallelujah, grace like rain. probably because that is my favorite song. much like lakeshore is my favorite place. ill try to tell you the happenings now while theyre fresh in my head.

counselors were melanie (you would) and shannon. sunday night, progressive games, ruby and i hid in the bathroom during the syrup game (by the way, ruby ROCKS). the jello dyed my foot blue. wtf. red. why did i just say blue? i meant red.

monday: low ropes. low ropes are always awful, but i think that i actually understand their purpose. no one in my cabin spoke AT ALL before low ropes, and afterwards we could at least interact enough to coexist. photo scavenger hunt i think was monday but may have been tuesday. it was lame. they put all of the lame cabin bonding activities at the beginning of the week. which is good, cause after tuesday lunch or so theyre over.

after that i dont know what days things happened on. they all run together. but ruby and i spent almost every moment together. and beaver was there a lot too. we did a lot of swimming and lazy rivering. we watched people play water polo. i got rrl sunburned and it hurt, but im better. we did crafts. danielle = craft lady = love. in advanced crafts i made a taco. i am amazing. and there was crazy time without truett which was an activity that was supposed to be karaoke with truett but neither of those things were there so ruby and i just sat on stacks of chairs and watched weird girl. shes SO weird.

also josh cookies brown led a creative writing activity which somehow managed to always be called writing fun because we love writers retreats. corn in beaver pajamas? we got crazy prompts from the writers block including writing a racist rant, which was insane. i also got through part of something about my pop cause camp started on fathers day, wrote a tidbit about the year 4000, and started something that rhymes, the prompt for which was a dylan thomas poem i think. (to clarify, the phrase "something that rhymes" in the previous sentence is a description, not a title, as ive already written something titled "something that rhymes")

i hear the dance was fun, but i hate the dance, so i watched charlie and the chocolate factory. woody came dressed as a girl, and he looked like kimmy gibler from full house, except on heroin. the talent show was about 10% talent and 10% funny and 80% ridiculous people trying to sing carrie underwood songs and failing. also, anne frank was rrl bad, and she thought she was rrl good. ew. there was no coffee, but i dont like coffee, so its okay.

there was a strange combo of worships. the one on tuesday (or was it monday?) at the boys side vesper ring was really great. it was mostly dark but near the end they turned on the light on the cross and it lit up the trees like crazy, but the lake was still totally black, and it was really pretty. that was the only time we sang grace like rain. we also had one at the waterfront which consisted largely of staff members heckling truett and troy being judas. weird. lakeshore was on crazypills this week. but in a good way.

friday morning we wrote letters to ourselves which theyre going to mail to us sometime in several months. i dont know why im even saying this, because its given, but at worship friday night everyone cried. it wasnt even a phenomenally moving worship. we prayed, we read scripture, we sang. but on friday night everyone just wants SO MUCH not to have to go home, and they know they have to. so naturally, i got danielles shirt real snotty, just like last year. i love her. and ruby.

today shannon, chelsey, christin, ruby and i got up at 430 to watch a sunrise that never came because of big dark clouds. at 615 we gave up and went back to the cabin. slept about another hour and got up for breakfast, of which i ate little cause i was mad tired. cleaned up the cabins, did evaluations, cookies left, and we went to the tabby for final worship which included rrlpretty and a zombie movie. there was also the fairly traditional open floor time, which was nice, and then we all went back up the hill for lots of hugging and goodbyes. my mom was rrl late but it was okay, i didnt want to leave. she drove me down to the "water rec center" (that is, the pool) and i planned to do a mad search of the area for danielle who was down there with k-2 day, but just when i was dashing in to find her she was by the gate and it was good, cause i was going to be rrl sad if i couldnt say gbye. so i said gbye and had a big hug and got all wet cause she was all wet, and i left. mom and i got milkshakes on the way home, and i slept in the car, which i usually cant do.

and now im home and its late and ive written all of this so i dont forget it because what? thats right. lakeshore is my favorite place in the world.

Hallelujah, grace like rain

Falls down on me.

Hallelujah, and all my stains

Are washed away,

They're washed away.

Run Awaaaaay...

i bought birkenstocks today. after work lilla came over and helped me clean my room. shes a doll. im off to lakeshore tomorrow afternoon (actually today afternoon). ill be back saturday afternoon. i will then shower and go to work, and when i come home, i shall sleep for a very long time. but after that, i fully intend to party with all my favorite people.

• morgan. i havent seen you in a very long time. have i seen you all summer? we must interact. i miss you.
• kristen. lets do it. you. me. soon.
• phenomphive. a sleepover? please? yes. karen.
• kathryn? k.ho? hattie? em? spencer? friend boys? novusians? eileen whenever you come home?

everyone, lets just have a party, kay? someone plan a party before we all hunker down for summer work etcetc. or go to italy. or costa rica. or whatever.

but for now, i finish packing and go to bed. and tomorrow! o tomorrow. lakeshore.

IN. WHY. SEA.

at some point when i have gotten more sleep, i hope to blog concerning the events that came to pass in new york. but for now, let it suffice to say that it was brilliant and i am so tired, and here are a bunch of pictures. good night.

I'm Going to New York Tomorrow

so i thought id leave you with this picture i just found on my camera re: hattie and i playing team scrabble with spencer. and if you dont know what team scrabble is, basically the words dont have to be real and the points dont matter.



the result.

we are the best.

Got my report card today

Sixth Six weeks
pre-AP english: 98! YAYUHHHH!
latin II: 98
driver ed: 88 (darn them with their grading your driving!)
world history: 94
chemistry: 98
algebra II: 96

Exams
english: 96! (gateway 100)
latin: 92 (so close!)
driver ed: 96
history: 90
chemistry: lets not go there
algebra: 100 (hooray for memorization)

2nd Semester
english: 95
latin: 94
driver ed: 94
history: 93
chemistry: 92 (yeah, that exam killed me right there)
algebra: 94

Year
english: 95
latin: 93
driver ed: 94
(contissues: 96)
history: 95
chemistry: 94
algebra: 95

im pretty okay with all of this. except that chem exam. baah. it wasnt my idea to have it the same day as my latin exam.

bobby drake etc etc

i have been blogging a lot, but maybe i have a lot to remember. after all, it is summer.

so last night (before the last post actually) i went and saw x3 with morgan and eileen and ruby. i was supposed to see it with spencer but i just coudnt because, as i told him, "if bobby dies ill cry and if youre there itll be embarrassing." i dont think he thought that was a good reason, but o well.

later on in the night, ie, when i was sleeping, in addition to dreaming N-Mol was in my AP US class and i couldnt remember if it was the first day of school or the last day and morgan had dyed her hair awful badbleach orangey blonde and we all went to a prep school with tiny alligators in all the bathrooms, i also briefly dreamt about bobby drake AKA iceman AKA shawn ashmore AKA he played jake on the animorphs tv show that was cancelled second season. he was sitting on top of some old car with some girl who was clearly not rogue but it was understood that she was, and they were having a tiff, as douggie would say, about something or other. (the first time i wrote "about" just then i wrote "abotut" instead.) i couldnt really hear them so i dont know what it was about. their talking was all jumbly. but a couple of times it stopped being quiet and jumbly and turned into loud and jumbly and they were yelling, and a lot of times they almost made up and out but something tiffed them again. it was really weird and tense and lengthy.

okay, so this doesnt really matter if youre not me, but if you are me, you understand because you know that shawn ashmore was my first ever celebrity crush/imaginary boyfriend. and i dont know where im going with this, but mostly its to say that i love that kid and he makes me all happy inside. and by kid i mean 26-year-old. but in animorphs he was 18 and 20 in x1 and so on.

o, and another thing.
hes a twin.
COOL.

weird.

i just found my original copy of addiction in the middle of the 17th animorphs book.

huh.

[EDIT 11pm] yeah, so i just read it in like an hour and a half. i superlove easy books. especially ones about trying to pour instant maple and ginger oatmeal into the yeerk pool cause it makes yeerks go crazy.

JESS GIMME DE GEES AN WE BE CLUBBIN YOW

mm. sean paul. my hero.

okay, so i feel i need to recap all the interesting things that have happened since i went into a state of STUDY. so here goes.

i listened to a LOT of sean paul, discovered how beautiful william moseley is, got a date to junior prom (george williford), had interesting cousins over (theyre still here until tomorrow), went to three parties, and got a new bff (frisky!). also i discovered some pretty awesome shoes. yayuh.

well theres more interesting things that i have done but i dont care. ima gonna go have more fun!

yeeehaw!

ToDo SchmooDo!

Summertiiimmmmmme...
And the livin' is easy...

(i picked up a new template for this new phase of my life called PreAP is Over and I am Still Alive)

holy moly croly, its here its here its here. no more douggie, no more exams, no more worksheets or four fire drills per day or world history or latin ii. over over over.

i do, however, have extensive summer plans, as such (with bullets, not numbers):

• tonight! go to hannahs end o year partay, and hopefully see X3 with spencer
• tomorrow, no novus! work at six then rachel oc's sixteenth partay (i am a partay animal)
• sunday, spencers hizzle for general good times
• sunday, monday, tuesday: movie marathon extravaganza with annebel and hattie (im not sure how thats gonna work on sunday, but it will somehow) with all three LotR extended versions, newsies, RENT, blood drips heavily on newsie square, narnia, harry potter, and pirates of the caribbean. lots of ovaltine and honey and joy.
• sometime in the next several days, clean my room
• further on: eventually get to my summer work for AP US, AP 11, and PreAP precal. psh.
• work work work at trez as usual till the last week of summer
• go back to the y
• hopefully hit up florida those last few days
• june 7-12: NYC!
• june 18-24: lakeshore!
• sometime: AMELIA!
• hang out with my new bff kristy. frisky!
  

loooooookin gooooood

ToDo, FoSkoo

before next friday at noonish, heres what has to be done:

1. study for the caesar test in latin which is thursday
2. study like hell for the cold war test friday i pwnd that test you guys.
3. see ms gossett or ms ennis about my schedule
4. turn in that thing from ms halfacre and that thing from ms ervin and that note to ms haughton
5. finish english exam review (definitions, examples, and Xtr33m post-it-ization)
6. study for history exam
7. and latin exam
8. and chemistry exam
9. and algebra exam.
10. prepare mountaincake
11. go to ms kitts party
12. go to da vinci code
13. go to novus rehearsal
14. sing at idlewild
15. play bingo with the elderly
16. sleep
17. survive until the afternoon of may 26th.

ToDo, BlueShoe

(because i feel like all my posts till schools out should be titled ToDo something.) tonight, i am a little less overwhelmed. i am still overwhelmed, but a little less. about 3% of my stress has been lifted. i presented my english project, taught ch32sec3, and made up my acids and bases test today, all with considerable success. also we got class rings today. yes i bought one even though theyre overpriced, and i like it. here is what i have to do tonight:

1. read ch32sec4 wow that section was long and boring.
2. make some progress on the exam review
3. finish translating whatever it is we have to translate in latin
4. go to novus
5. get some work done on those algebra worksheets which i have started but i have yet to finish any of them i finished one of them. thats some work done.
6. get the preAP precal contract signed

now i must say, 6 is much more reasonable a number. im off.

i do not have what it takes
i cannot cut the mustard
i failed to read closely
i am not cut out for this.

ToDo, VolTwo

my life for the next two weeks exists in a series of to-do lists. here is the second one.

To do, This Weekend:

1. begin and complete dead poet project* i didnt practice at all but i dont care.
2. complete all definitions on preAP final exam review*
3. collect materials necessary for dead poet picnic mountaincake
4. create notecards for vocab covered on latin ii exam review
5. study for the life of caesar test
6. read world history ch32sec2 *
7. prepare lecture for world history ch32sec3
8. master all concepts covered on the acids and bases test to make up tuesday
9. complete algdeux 10-1 worksheet*
10. complete algdeux 10-2 worksheet*
11. complete algdeux 10-3 worksheet*
12. complete algdeux 10-4 worksheet*
13. perform at crichtons graduation with novus*
14. play bingo with the elderly*
15. get my moms mothers day present*

(* = priority, absolutely 100% must be done this weekend, no exceptions. notice its most of them.) thats all for this weekend. oi vey. i need to speak to someone to calm my weary mind. anyone?

ToDo, ToDay:

1. latin project: six celled cartoon in latin etc etc due tuesday* [EDIT 11:24PM] demosthenes > cicero
2. study for cumulative vocab test thursday* [EDIT Wednesday 950PM] i procrastinate. get over it.
3. finish latin homework due monday* [EDIT Monday] yeah i did it in class.
4. learn algebra sections 10-1 and 10-2 due already
5. study for WWII test tuesday* [EDIT rrl late Monday night] I studied for five hours. If I don't get a high A I might cry.
6. practice "and i love her" and "cuore" and "ride on" for novus for tomorrow night [EDIT 344PM] did it on the walk. ooo, multitasking.
7. get people to buy tickets to novus concert tuesday night* [EDIT Monday 9:55PM] thanks, guys.
8. take a walk [EDIT 344PM] thirty-one minutes.
9. study acids and bases for chem test wednesday (okay, so yeah, i probably wont do that)
10. memorize the first paragraph of the gallic wars by friday* [EDIT 344PM] gallia est bla bla bla got it.
11. shower* [EDIT 403PM] guess whos clean. me.
12. start dead poets project due next monday (15 may)
13. plan for dead poets picnic friday

boy o boy, how fun. (* = high priority)

O, Woe is I!

it is 1230am. i am awake. i have six themes left to analyze and all i can concentrate on is the sound of my diet coke going flat.

pitch it up, o coke of the brick wall!

do you know, i dont know what that means. i cant feel my right foot. so. self-realization = universal individuals in orange highlighter. what?

It's Final.

Here is the present draft of the letter I will give to my boss, Carol. Please give any suggestions for improvement.

Dear Carol,

I have been convinced by myself, my teacher, my parents, and my counselors that for the next several years my highest priority should be getting my education. I require extremely high grades of myself that I might be accepted to colleges with extremely high standards. However, here is where a catch-22 arises. To be accepted to those colleges I need pretty phenomenal grades, standardized test scores, and applications, along with a dash of community service, but to be able to go I need big money that neither I nor my parents have; therefore, I need to work and save as much as I can. Unfortunately, it seems from my experience that working is detrimental to my grades: I have made straight A’s all my life with the exception of seven B’s, six of which have been during this school year, which began about the same time I started working at Trezevant.

My job here is great—the hours are flexible, the work is moderate at worst, and the pay is better than that of anyone I know who is near my age. My original plan was to keep working here until the end of my senior year. Several months ago, however, I concluded that with the four AP (Advanced Placement, i.e. college level with college credit) classes that I will be taking senior year, working would be impossible, so I moved my time of departure from Trezevant up to May of 2007 to give me that summer to really get ready for college with visits, etc. (that or be a Resident Counselor at Lakeshore for another $1600 toward tuition.)

This remained my plan until fairly recently. Of late I have come to connect my lower grades and higher level of sleep deprivation with my hours here. I know that next year will be much harder as I will be taking two AP classes (English and U.S. History) and one Pre-AP (Pre-Calculus), so I have had to prioritize. It has come to this: I need sleep more than I need money, and I need fantastic grades more than I need a job. Therefore, I have formulated a new plan, this time one that is much less likely to be altered:

1. Continue to work at Trezevant through the summer
2. Pursue a job at the Pink Palace for the summer to help make up for losses of #3
3. Stop working at Trezevant when school starts back in August
4. Join the Y again
5. Get a lot more sleep
6. Have time to work up some volunteer hours for my resume.
7. Apply for lots and lots of scholarships.

I am sorry that I am not working until graduation like I said I would originally, but this is what I really need to do. To me a full year is a good solid run for my first job, so I do not feel like I am giving up on being a working girl; I just need to focus more on my studies and stress less so that I do not, in the words of my friend Morgan, end up wanting to hang myself by my slit wrists, because let’s face facts here—that is never good.

Thank you,

Sara Stephens

Here's What's Good in My Life Right Now

• I have lots and lots of super-cool friends.
• There is no school Friday.
• I have weasled myself out of at least two B's this six weeks.
• I passed Driver Ed with a waiver for my license (barely).
• I am now Ms. Kitts' TA.
• I'm going to both New York and Lakeshore in June.
• There is only one six weeks left.
• I got into all the APs I wanted.
• My summer reading includes Angela's Ashes (<3!).
• I'm a fly Memphis hustla, all I do is stay fresh.
• Soon I will own both Brokeback Mountain and Narnia on DVD.
• I am probably gonna marry Josh Brown in ten years, unless Beav gets to him first. :)

HAKUNA. MATATA.

Lakeshore this Weekend

was great.


indubitably!

a much smaller concentration of bad writing. highlights include: morgan, eileen, beav, ruby, josh brown, troy, allyson, danielle, and some productivity. for example, heres something silly, an acrostic from the spark word "prom" cowritten be me and josh brown:

Pretty dresses
Really cute guys
O my gosh!
Mom, shut up!

(c) 2006 josh brown and sara stephens

bwahahahaa. we are brilliant. and heres something less silly that i started last retreat and finished at this one from a prompt of texas (not as good as three affiliated tribes, but pretty okay i think):

I spent a good ten hours
in one place
reading everything I could find
before making it to
Nondescript, Texas
the humble homestead of my humble homesteaders.
There are sixteen of them,
two parents, nine children (seven of them girls),
and three of the children are married
and have their own children,
bumbling bouncing babes
who learn to knit and tie knots in the womb
and by seven are harvesting vegetables and eggs,
birthing horses,
cooking casseroles independently.

I spent a good two days
in one place
with my extremely distant cousins
who never cut their hair and have
thick French braids to the back of their knees
(the girls at least)
and who don’t own a microwave or a TV
but make the best food and the best entertainment.
I spent two days walking their land,
grass up to my hips,
through a plot of earth so big it might have been
the entire state of Texas,
past the warm wood houses of the children
who grew up and married
and moved out
to another part of their land.
Spent two days listening
to the three sisters aged ten to fourteen
who knew the exact color of every blade of grass
as compared to the shades in their dresses
and how to climb over fallen trees
without catching the hems.
Who knew nothing about politics
but everything
about planting a garden and pulling weeds
about picking corn before the worms come,
about living
really living
in Nondescript, Texas
without a microwave
or a TV.

Being Decisive

i made up my mind. im going with number three. i just cant work next year. so, i am:

• working at trezevant until august
• pursuing adding the pink palace for the summer
• quitting trez when school starts
• saving lots of the money i make this summer
• joining the y when school starts
• stressing less

i was thinking number two for a while, but i am already too stressed and i dont like it. thanks everyone for all your input, it really helped.

lovelovelovelove

sar(r)a/foot

I need guidance.

basically i have three choices in my pursuit of a harmonious balance between money and school and life and sleep.

1. Change nothing: that is, continue with my original plan of working my regular hours (M/W/Th 4-7, Sat 6-9) for $8.00/hr at Trezevant until the end of Junior year. Save enough money to help somewhat significantly in my search to afford college, but possibly become over-stressed in school with my 2.5 APs.
2. Change a little: Continue working the same at Trez through Junior year, but also pursue the job opportunity I have come upon at the Pink Palace starting at $7.25/hr for the summer (hours unsure). Make a nice chunk of extra money over the summer but potentially miss out on some summer fun because of lost time.
3. Change everything: Pursue Pink Palace job for the summer along with Trez, but leave the Trez job at the start of Junior year. Get a good deal more sleep, but learn to live with a good deal less money. Join the Y again.

help me. im incapable of making my own decisions. everyone please give your opinions or any other suggestions. kthx.

Hypnotic, Funky Fresh

i just lost the 1, 2 step. how can i go on?

someone please send me this song. poookokihu8otgdv or popsiclesareforthesummertime@gmail.com m'much obliged.

"LAST NIGHT, AGAIN?!"

"You can have a great high school party without drugs and drinking- you just have to replace those things with Candyland and the cast of Tick Tick Boom." --Annebel Simpson.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Last night was the pinnacle of my sophomore career. I think altogether I had almost fifty people there. Nothing awful happened, no one died or showed up drunk or left condensation rings on the wooden furniture. Amazing amazing amazing night. Thank you everyone who came, and I intend to list all of you right now by means of the cups with names. Here goes. Thank you's to

1. Austin Finney,
2. Amanda Allen,
3. Amanda Tittle,
4. Anna Talley,
5. Annebel Simpson,
6. Caroline Fesomething,
7. Chris Carlile,
8. Cody Hilder,
9. David Nikaido,
10. Derek Suen,
11. Devin Crenshaw,
12. Drew Stephens,
13. Dunkan Koch (as Mark Cohen),
14. Eileen Townsend,
15. Emma Austin,
16. Eric Neimeyer,
17. Hannah Joyce,
18. Hattie Strange,
19. Jennifer Lenow,
20. Julia Roseman,
21. Justin Campbell,
22. Kasidey Fisher-Wellman,
23. Kathryn Owen,
24. Kristen Howell,
25. Kristen Rambo,
26. Kristy Wilson,
27. Lane Roark,
28. Leo Ramos,
29. Lilla Pivnick,
30. Lydia Roseman,
31. Michael Neimeyer,
32. Morgan Stewart,
33. Nathan Meek,
34. Nhat Vo,
35. Peter Zastoupil,
36. Rachel O'Connor,
37. Rashad "Blackie" Blackerson,
38. Sara Stephens (that's me),
39. Sarah Mercer,
40. Sean Meek,
41. Spencer Miller,
42. Spencer Nineteen,
43. Stephanie Frega,
44. Stephanie Homeschool, and
45. Vania Datesspencernineteen (whom I never saw and have never met).

That's right, my mom stacked the cups alphabetically. I am almost sure that is all, but I definitely made up a few of those last names. Well, there were three more, but I'll get to that in a minute. So the point is, here is how my yesterday went, in fairly brief terms if I can stand it.

I woke up, went to school, and found out I got into AP 11 and I have three tests Monday. Then I came home briefly before hitting up the bank and Party City. Came back home and took a shower, during which time Spencer, Steph, and Rashad showed up (at like 540 for a party that started at 7) and hung out in my room till I got out and ready. Steph and I hung up streamers etc etc while Spencer watched TV with Rashad. How helpful. Kristen showed up at about quarter to 7, followed closely by Kathryn, and then they really started flowing in. I had a fantastic night and got some amazing stuff. Thank you thank you thank you everyone.

I'd like to take a moment to recognize those who were unable to attend: Amelia, Mouse, Emily, Newman, Huddleston, Hairston, Omair, John Ham, Audrey (whose mom wouldn't let her come because she didn't believe there wouldn't be any drinking), Afton, Mariana, Hannah Shaffer, Alex Bransford, Beaver, etc etc for anyone else not there.

Now, some highlights, if you will: Mercer giving me The Shirt, getting to see Amanda Allen and David Nikaido whom I haven't seen in FOREVER, Kathryn making the world's best brownies (not to shadow Morgan's baked goods which were also fantastic), story time with Homo Thug (the book Dunkan got me about a homo thug which has four typos just on the blurb and contains phrases like "love stick" and "cocoa shute" and "melon-shaped" ew ew ew), Dunkan's great footage which she's cut together to screen tonight in honor of Benny's wife Muffy--Allison--pulling Benny out of the East Village location (How many times did I say that yesterday? 10? 15?), and, o yeah, THE ENTIRE CAST of Tick Tick Boom showing up at my house without warning! WHAT!

Okay, so my mom is amazing. She saw Kevin (of TickTick) at U of M yesterday afternoon cause he goes there, and she was like "Would you consider dropping by tonight?" and so he said he and Annie of TickTick (Ms. Best Voice I've Ever Heard Personally) could come. And then when my mom called him to give the the time and directions and make sure he was coming he said, "Yeah, I'm on my way to pick up Slade right now." And thereby Kevin Murphy, Annie Freres, and Slade Kyle, three of my local heroes, came to my birthday party and sang happy birthday and stayed for at least an hour. It was a phenom.

And while we're at it, I still have two hip-hop mixes, a bunch of pictures from Lane 'n' the Dunkmeister, and Dunkan/Mark's great footage which (s)he's cut together to screen tonight in honor of Benny's wife Muffy--Allison--pulling Benny out of the East Village location to look forward to.

In conclusion, I love my friends, I love fun, and I have OFFICIALLY proven that a fantastic time is easy to have without intoxicants and said time is generally more successful and has far fewer repercussions.

Thank you goodnight (Yeah its 543 in the afternoon).

DCT

Happy Dreams Come True Day, everyone.

(DTC Day was officially created one year ago today in honor of BatBoy.)

*balloons n stuff*

It has to end

sometime between now and tomorrow night i need to read 360ish pages of snow falling on cedars and do 360ish worksheets. (okay, its not that many worksheets at all, but its several.) oi vey. sometime between now and six i need to have lunch and take a shower and make some progress in sfoc. guess ill get on that. (april 7th get here soon please!)

Spring Break

break is refreshing me. i like this warmth. its only been the first weekend but it is great.

i slept in, watched four movies in twenty-four hours (the bbc pride and prejudice, elizabethtown which i actually really liked, walk the line which i need to watch again, and sisterhood of the traveling pants), shopped with kristen and bought whats hot for spring, got a birthday card from my job, had happy birthday sung to me at bingo, put two hip hop stations on presets on my radio, drove well, hung out with morgan eileen kristen (a lot) and lena, fulfilled one of my new years resolutions, and went to the calvary lenten luncheon with kristen and had the best waffles in all the land and saw A-Tal and D-Tal.

in other news, codys birthday i think was yesterday, and one of the security folks at trez has my birthday. if you dont know when that is, im not telling you. okay i will. its tuesday. the 14th. pi.

ps: it is a fantastic day.

pps: if you have something after the ps, its pps, not pss. you dont have a post script script, you have a post post script.

Uplift Thyself

TRUTHS:

• sara is not in a state of motivation.
• sara is in a state of tired.
• sara is in a state of tennessee.
• sara is in need of more hours in a day.
• sara is in need of spring break.
• sara is in need of advice.
• sara should see her counselor.

FALSITIES:

• saras english assignment is worth the time.
• sara is in control of herself.
• sara is a good driver.
• sara enjoys cauliflower.

UPLIFT THYSELF!:
imagine a situation or two or a lot the thought of which makes you happy:

• imagine a world where sara and morgan go to the same college.
• imagine a world where sara is not taught by ms douglas every day.
• imagine a world where sara gets nine hours of sleep every night.
• imagine a world where sara is not semi-secretly very tempted by drugs and alcohol.
• imagine college.
• imagine summer.
• imagine sleeping until waking, not until being awoken.
• imagine a boy.
• imagine lakeshore.
• imagine clean, strong fingernails.
• imagine never itching again.
• imagine time.
• imagine having time.

TRUTH:

• sara misses time, sleep, josh brown, her friends, being comfortably warm, spending time, not having guilt, forgetting regret, smelling spring.

imagine a world where all those things are here all at once. uplift thyself.

A Little Stress... A Little Stress...

i daydream about sleeping more than i actually sleep.

SNOW

SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW on friday. its still here. look at it! (you have to scroll down a little to get to the snow ones)

A Little Less... A Little Less...

theres a fair chance i get a B in latin this six weeks and yknow? that thought is really not killin me.

wtf is this? why is it in my bookmarks?

ATTENTION

ALL WHO INTEND TO ATTEND THE

HEATH LEDGER EXTRAVAGANZA

(AND EVERYONE IS INVITED) NEEDS TO LISTEN TO ME NOW. BROKEBACK KONG (AKA BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN) IS SELLING OUT ALL OVER THE MOFO. THE EXTRAVAGANZA IS GOING TO BE 1:00 CASANOVA KONG AND 3:15 BROKEBACK KONG AT STUDIO ON THE SQUARE THIS SUNDAY. IF YOU WANT TO GO YOU NEED TO PREORDER YOUR BROKEBACK KONG TICKET LIKE RRL RRL SOON.

also, all in favor of following the heath ledger extravaganza with a 7:10 tristan and kong (aka tristan and isolde) at the paradiso say aye. tristan and kong isnt playing at studio and brokeback kong isnt playing at paradiso.

so anyway, comment if youre coming or call me or tell me at school or something. i love you guys.

(ps. its not really kong, youre just supposed to put kong in every movie title cause its funny. really its casanova, brokeback mountain, and tristan and isolde.)

THIS IS THE HOUR.

its 10.23. i always have a weird feeling about that time. 10.23. it just seems odd. anyway, 2006 comes in about an hour and a half, which is quite soon. i hereby vow to make 2006 better than 2005. at least the 10th grade part of 2005. its been insane, and not in a good way. i need to step up my game, so here're a few resolutions. actually, a lot.

• first and foremost, make 2006 better than 2005. also:
• stop eating all the time
• get back out of the habit of not doing all of my homework every night
• try to make time to go back to the Y somehow
• observe lent without cheating, except once on my birthday (which is inconveniently always during lent) [EDIT:Sometime after Lent] I was awesome. And now I make way fewer Yo Mama jokes.
• be less pessimistic about alto I (N/A)
• be less pessimistic in general
• (there is a resolution here that is private)
• save more money than i spend
• not buy anything that doesn't fit
• be nicer to my parents
• eat more vegetables and drink more water
• give up on sean (because seriously, thats a both hopeless cause and a bad idea)
• apply for 10 scholarships
• stop scratching my knees and elbows all the time
• improve my posture
• get rid of everything i own that i dont like (who wants some stuff?)
• get to school earlier than 725 every day
• overcome fear of at least one of the following: sleeping with my ears exposed, dancing, report cards, lindsay douglas
• grow out my hair and wash it more often
• get more sleep
• keep up with all my reading
• take 100 walks and keep count
• get something overpriced from victoria secret [EDIT: 11 March 2006] Check! IPEX goes wireless!
• brush my teeth twice every day
• forget justins phone number [EDIT: 6 May 2006] I sure don't remember it.
• write

thats enough for now. its 27.

im giving up my vices. / im goin back, back to school. / eviction or not, this weeks been so hot / but long as ive got you i know ill be cool. / last week, i wanted just to disappear, / my life was dust / but now if just may be a happy new year.

happy new year.

A Slightly Late Christmas List

or, what i got, not what i want. plus a million links to pictures of stuff. overall a good catch.

DVD's:

• first season of lost
• moulin rouge
• mulan
• stage beauty

CD's:

• how to succeed in business without really trying soundtrack
• miss saigon soundtrack
• narnia soundtrack

Book-like things:

• 20 b&n ducks (a duck is a buck)
• 10 b&n ducks
• an iou for any book at bookstar

Clothing items:

• AE peacoat/blazer thingy (but in light khaki)
• AE sparkly brown flats
• three aero shirts (the entire store was half off) in white, grey, brown
• sears blue skirt unt jackety thing
• old navy shirt. brown.

IOU's:

• iou a book from bookstar (the same one as before)
• iou a RENT shirt (hopefully ill find one thats not "for small individuals only")
• iou reasonable parental assistance with room decor (which means when drew moves out i get his room and we're getting new curtains and pillows and things and taking up the carpet and getting a rug etc etc etc)

Other:

• iHome (which is a machine that plays your ipod aloud and charges it and has an alarm clock and a radio and you can hook up a cd player to it.)
• blockbuster giftcard
• 50 ducks from work (christmas bonus)
• from eileen-- a bluish hat, a pink purse, a black sleep shirt that says ARCHITECTURE on it, and the deee-lite cd world clique (insane). yay for the goodwill.
• 50 ducks from mimi (my grandmother, not the best ass below 14th street, though that would be really cool)
• a gigabunch of candy
• 10 malco ducks
• probably some other things.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, BITCHES!" --Tom Collins

it is, right now,

december 24th, 9pm, eastern standard time.

Like Mastercard but Better

MLA Handbook: $17.00
Pocket Thesaurus: $5.99
Vocabulary Workshop Form G: $8.00
Le Morte D'Arthur: $7.95
A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court: $4.95
The Once and Future King: $7.99
Antigone: $7.95
Cry, the Beloved Country: $14.00
The Tragedy of Julius Caesar: $4.99
Two packs of hiliters (because the first ran out): $19.98
(TOTAL: $98.80)

The English Exam Being over: PRICELESS

The Year in Short

Instructions: take the first sentence (or 2) from the first post of each month of 2005. That's your year in review. except im going to do from the last post of each month cause its easier cause theyre at the top.

January (29)
I'm Dead I'm Dead I'm Dead I Died I'm Dead

February (20)
imagination, one was awesome this weekend. and last.

March (14)
go shawdy, ish ya burfday, we gon pawdy like ish ya birfday, we gon sip... ovaltine? like ish ya burfday...

April (23)
a schedule...
Friday, 42205
730-215: school
230-4: chamber
4-6: novus
5-730: thespian banquet
8-945: metamorphoses (fabulous both times)
10: home
1001: sleep

May (30)
i went to spencer mississippi. innocent bystanders would never suspect we were friends, seeing us there with him playing halo [or something] and me reading the entirety of the sisterhood of the traveling pants.

June (29)
at about 10:39PM tonight, after his performance of lumiere in beauty and the beast, MICHAEL A. INGERSOLL KISSED MY FACE.

July (27)
The Summer of Amelia!
http://flickr.com/photos/honeylight/sets/654301/
enjoy.

August (30)
Probably Like the Best 24-Hour Period Ever
[mood: walkin on sunshine]
[music: hold me, bat boy]

September (21)
Uncle! Uncle!
there. that was me saying uncle. i give up.
(some other stuff)
LIFE OVER. HOMEWORK = VERY YES.

October (25)
This weekend I was productive for the first time in about two years.
~Three Affiliated Tribes~
Driving to North Dakota is like lighting your
Arm on fire: at first it looks kind of cool,
But you just end up screaming in agony.

November (29)
"I DONT WANT TO LEARN. I JUST WANT TO DIE." -Sarah Mercer

December
(well my last post in december hasnt happened yet, and this is the first one, so here it is. lets end where we began.)
The Year in Short
Instructions: take the first sentence (or 2) from the first post of each month of 2005. That's your year in review.