The One-Act That Wouldn't Die

ladies and gentlemen,

bang bang youre dead is going to district in three weeks. thats right! its not over.

big and little

-my mother has a new big money job
-bang bang youre dead went so well (and might go to district? what?)
-i got a 31 on my ACT
-the u of m and the state of tennessee now have no choice but to give me all kinds of money
-its pushing nearer and nearer to my birthday
-its pushing nearer and nearer to writers retreat

the big things in my life are going so well. and some little things too, like discovering charlotte russe dresses for less than my life savings, and having herr strugis say i was a trooper. some of the little things are not so good, like my history test and my english project.

i wish i would get my acceptance from the u of m so i could be sure. im also kind of looking forward to the "heres 7500 dollars" letter. now i can finally get a meeting with herr brune to make him sign a form that says i can go to college. you are not stopping me this time mr brown.

need to study whyyyyyy?

weathers warming up
less than a month till spring

helpless doorknobs

was really great. mighty good show, all. really. and the night of improv contained various priceless moments as well, eg, "coach morgan no!" i took a few pictures and kind of a lot of video on annebels camera so hopefully i can get some access to those soon.

YOU GUYS
I DONT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND
BANG BANG YOURE DEAD
IS TOMORROW
WE WILL BE PERFORMING IT
IN TWENTY ONE HOURS
AND THAT IS NOT A LONG TIME

okay. freakout over.
kind of.

affirmation

• my friends are growing up.
• it is okay that my friends are growing up.
• i am growing up.
• it is okay that i am growing up.
• school is hard.
• but it will end soon.
• its all nice on ice all right.

(in other news, i have not heard from governors school since they sent me my acceptance. when should they be mailing me about anything?)

[EDIT wednesday morning: i got a big letter from them yesterday with class preference etc etc. good good.]

looking up

valentines day is dumb.

but my english project is done and i get to go have chocolate with annebel tonight. i switched to the new blogger and now i have a picture of the most beautiful oh oh oh.

my mother just got a new job

that-will-pay-probably-about-$13k-more-a-year-than-she-gets-now.

jaqueline was being such a big girl with her cup of tea looking out of the window

today was bad, o so bad. i woke up tireder (?) than usual and did my best to stay home but my mother said i had been out late the night before so i had no reason to stay home, which was true. the precal test was a disaster. the whole class cheated off each other but no one knew how to do it so it didnt help. in english we worked on writing our own APMC questions, which consisted mostly of amanda hamilton and i pulling out our hair and making frustrated noises. in latin i came the closest i have yet come to falling asleep in class. in APUS we had a pop-DBQ. jesus, i thought pop-essays were bad but this was a mess. economics was the most boring its been yet. i came home and sat at the television till five thirty and soon i have to do all those things i have to do.

but still, the weekend was good. i got up early saturday and took the ACT and had lunch with spencer, then for a while sat around, but i talked to bekka and we decided to rent angels in america. we have been trying to watch it for weeks. i told her we should drop by lenas party for a little bit and we did, but it was more fun than i expected. eileen newman martha and ryan were there and also eric and we ended up staying till about quarter to midnight, so we couldnt go to black lodge. thwarted again!

bekka spent the night (with no complaint from her parents!) and in the morning we had breakfast and she left and annebel came to use my computer. i found all my saddest clothes and took the dirt from my yard and put it all over me and darkened my eyes and wrapped my poorest looking baby doll up in a pillowcase and when annebel left i went to ryans house for the rome party with no shoes on. guest list: martha ryan newman bekka l-hudd k-ho hairston and michael. hobbit hobbit. hairston was rich and kristen was her slave. bekka and newman were whores. ryan was an animal tamer. i was poor and dirty. we watched two episodes of rome and kristen hairston and lauren left pretty soon. there was a lot of very good food. michael went home. martha gave us valentines candy (thank you). we went upstairs to the second living room and watched the man kill the gladiators and watched the senate kill caesar and watched the woman kill herself. martha went home and newman bekka and i kept saying we should leave and get out of the masson familys hair but we stayed until maybe 1030. i got home fully ready to be up into the wee hours doing homework but i just didnt. i was supposed to read kite runner and do two history homeworks and three precal homeworks but i didnt do any of those things. i went to sleep in a heap but it was a very good day.

proof that im a copy cat

eileen "missed" class on monday because of history.
i "missed" class on tuesday because of history.

eileen got a macbook.
i am getting a macbook.

eileen made a tent.
i made a tent.

sorry buddy. ill try to develop some original thought : )

(that smiley seems really out of place, but im gonna leave it. )

someone pull a miracle on me please

i just want to have some feeling that there is something waiting for me, you know?

WHAT BINDS A FABRIC TOGETHER WHEN THE RAGING SHIFTING WINDS OF CHANGE KEEP RIPPING AWAY?

my fingernails are as dirty as my hair and id love to go take a shower but i would feel guilty for putting off my work any longer, so naturally i put off my work by wasting away on this machine. i have this economics project. i have this history test. im supposed to read the bible or something for english. i dont know what my latin homework is and i dont intend to find out because either way i wont do it because why bother when i have a 101 average? what really matters is studying history and finishing econ, but really those things dont matter at all. theres really nothing to say that i havent said before other than why the hell dont i skip school? because i never have, thats the answer, and its a bad answer. what are the repercussions? nothing in german, very little in precal, ms wexler will love me a little less because every time you are absent she loves you a little less, nothing in latin, ill make up the history test, but in econ the project must be in or i get a zero. i mean, i could drop it off. where do you go when you skip school? the zoo is free tomorrow. hah! its too cold. im too chicken.

night time

i had a horrible dream, the night before last.

i dreamed i left town in an old van with three boys for a two week road trip, and i didnt tell my mother. i called her when we were already gone and left a message on her cell phone, "mom ill be home in two weeks," and that was all. on the road the three boys and i stopped at a hundred gas stations and never got anywhere, but we spent all our money buying useless things out of the little gas station stores. but the trip didnt take two weeks. it took five months, and when we were coming back finally it was just me and i was in my car. on the way home i stopped at a stop sign and saw my mother pass me in her car. i knew it was my mother but it was really hattie. she looked at me so scared and astonished. i realized suddenly she thought i was dead. she looked at me like i was a ghost, and i just kept driving.

it was so, so bad.