29 July 2006

Written while watching killer whales on Animal Planet

all my life i had been under the impression that i had seen edward scissorhands
until last night at one AM it came on tbs
and i discovered that i have been fooling myself.
i guess i just assumed i had seen it.
after all, every living breathing human i have come across
in all my sixteen years
has.

i must have convinced myself a decade ago that
because everyone knows edward scissorhands
i know edward scissorhands.
(wrong.)
last night at one AM
i experienced afresh the pale-faced flyaway-haired wonder that is johnny depp in a leather suit
and by three i knew that i was living a lie.

i wonder now what other of my experiences may have been figments of my overactive assumption.
did i never jump a rope ladder at age six
and break a wrist it took five casts to repair?
was i not baptised in fifth grade in front of god and two hundred devoted christians?
was i never kissed goodbye by my personal hero
before he moved several hundred miles out of reach?

maybe i have never knelt in wood or leaves
and put words on paper
in sentences and fragments, phrases, clauses,
currents of musings and narratives
of my experiences
any or all of which
may never have happened.

--sara st.

21 July 2006

I Don't Know How to Turn Off My Brain

so i go to bed at 1130 and wonder for two hours or so. and then i get up again having decided, in my trying-to-sleep stupor, that i dont want to go to white station senior year. where i want to go is a school that will finish up my highschool education with a decent education, but that wont try to kill me with sleep deprivation. that didnt rhyme on purpose. i want a school where i dont have to worry about fifteen thousand asian boys beating me in class rank and knocking me out of fifteen thousand college scholarships that require me to be in the top ten. somewhere where i can focus. and i dont want district kids. but all schools have district kids.

that is, except private ones. and theyre expensive. but they have scholarships.

eileen was talking about going to boarding school. i thought that would be great. really. but eileen has access to far more money than i do.

i just need to get out of all this noise. theres too much distraction. i just need to focus and do well and have confidence in myself.

where can i do that?

i just dont know what to do with myself.

18 July 2006

Lovely Weather We're Having, Eh?

the high tomorrow is 101. the high thursday is 102. oi vey! its been hot. today spencer and i went to breakfast and then to see a scanner darkly. but the studio wasnt open yet, and the three to four minutes we spent sitting on the bench outside was like DEATH. hot hot hot.

but it gives me good reason to stay inside on the computer. i mean reading the grapes of wrath. actually ive read about as much in grapes of wrath as the entire length of the awakening. and i started it... two days ago? three? no, two. anyway.

mouse is in town. eileen is home, but not for long. hattie is still in italy. baah. eileen is going to see amelia soon. scandaliz vandalistz + cory branan show is TOMORROW. i have been waiting for it for like, two point five months. approximately. its going to be the best of the best of the best. basically, yay.

in other news, i still have 500 pages of the grapes of wrath, angelas ashes + highlighting, about twelve essays, hiroshima, a two page report on hiroshima, and six lessons of precal to do this summer. YEEHAW. i guess ill get on that. or something.

love
sar(r)a

13 July 2006

I Know You, I Walked with You Once upon a Dream!

o, what a dream! what a cast! last night i dreamt something i have no idea. but it was insane. there were tubes and a fight and an epic battle and explosions and backstages and narrow passageways and cacti and boys and girls and maybe parachutes! but o, the cast! it was brilliant. this dream featured the largest expanse of excitement in sara history. check it out: bobby drake, rogue, morgan, spot, claire danes, richard from superman, the crazy booblady who lives in that swamp in pirates two, taylor grimes, and bruce willis or mel gibson. i dont remember which. anyway.

uhm, i have no idea what happened, heres all i remember. morgan and booblady were in the epic battle as well as a lot of other unimportant people, and it went down in this like huge stadium with stairs and obstacles in the arena, and everyones signature move was dragging people down the stairs. and i was watching it with i dont remember.

also, there was this huge system of tubes that hung above memphis or maybe the whole world, and mel/bruce and richard and bobby and rogue and i were stuck in some sort of dilemna involving them. is that even how you spell dilemna? anyway i think we eventually solved the dilemna and went to the end of my block which is a dead-end if you dont know, and the guy and the end of the block has cacti (in real life! whats his deal?) and there was claire danes really upset about something. but eventually whatever she was upset about was solved and apparently i hadnt seen her in a really long time but we were good friends and we did this weird hand clasp thing. i really dont know what was going on with that.

o, and back to the epic battle, there was a narrow passageway that led backstage of the battle (?) and i was going along it with spot really fast because we were running late and he had my hand and it was really exciting. the only dialogue i remember from the whole dream was, "would you ever kiss a girl you only met yesterday?" and i dont even remember the response or what happened next but i bet it was great. and so we got to the fight and i think booblady might have won. she would.

and i dont know where taylor grimes fits in to all of this, but he was definitely there.

08 July 2006

Who Wants My Job?

so, the first week of august i am quitting my job as the community relations assistant at trezevant manor, a retirement community on highland. let me tell you a little about it.

i go in three weekdays per week (occasionally four) for about three hours in the afternoon. contrary to popular belief, i do not then proceed to tend to old sick people. i work in the part of trezevant that is just a retirement community. there are also an assisted living center and a health center, but i am not involved with those. so all the old people are well and sane, if a little senile. i spend most of my time doing minimum wage work like making copies, folding calendars, stuffing mailboxes, delivering messages, compiling folders and newsletters, organizing the office, etc etc. except instead of minimum wage i get $8 an hour. which is really nice, if you dont know. my boss is a good boss and a pretty nice and laidback lady named carol. shes the director of resident services.

there is also a significant amount of unpredictable downtime. some days are incredibly busy, and others i have had up to two hours to just do homework or read or whatever i need to do, which is pretty convenient since, you know, i go to highschool.

the weekdays are pretty flexible. i work generally monday wednesday thursday, but the boy who had the job before me worked tuesday wednesday thursday, and its pretty easy to switch up a day if you need to. the only day that is not flexible is saturday. this is, in my opinion, the only downside to the job. i have to work saturdays from 6 to about 915pm, calling bingo numbers in the dining room. i have to speak loudly and clearly into a pretty bad microphone. i dont really know why i have to be there at six because i dont do anything till seven. but i do. the bingo is not difficult or confusing, its just that its saturday nights. however, my brother works every weekend until 11, so i guess its a pretty good deal.

i get paid about $170 every other wednesday for about 12 hours per week. however, if i wanted to, i could ask carol for some more hours, come in more often, etc, and thereby make more money.

also, i have to find my own replacement starting beginning of august. so, if you want my job, please tell me, for serious, and i will get you an interview.

also, you have to pass a drug test.

thanks for your time,
-sara

06 July 2006

I CAN DRIVE!