Czech Up On It

11 to 14 November was so long ago it hardly feels like it was me, and I see now how hard it is to keep up with travel at Harlaxton, especially near the end. I suppose it’s only fair at this point to be more understanding to those who’ve previously been in this situation. The days really are saturated beyond belief. But regardless of all that, Morgan and I did go to Prague over the second long weekend, and there we had a beautiful time. Fortunately for you, I made it a habit to write everything down all the time in my little moleskine, without which this account would be much less detailed and, perhaps, much less accurate as well.

Prague from the Charles Bridge, which we crossed many a time

After a high-speed journey from Harlaxton to East Midlands on Wednesday the 11th, I met Morgan in the airport and we set off for Prague. Though we made it with fairly little trouble to our lovely (if sparsely supplied) hostel, the exhaustion imposed on us by our many rigourous academic pursuits led us to take it slow for the evening and settle down early to prepare for a lot of exploration in the morning.

Thursday we took the New Free Prague walking tour, having been nothing but pleased with the New Europe tours in other cities, and we were not disappointed. Our guide, Ruth, was American, but knew enough about Prague's surprisingly exciting history that she could have been an alien for all I cared.  She taught us about the Prague rising, for which the Russians took all the credit, and an instance when the Czechs tore down every road sign in their country and renamed every city Dubcek to confuse the invading Communists. Awesome. Later we learned about Prague's love of St. Vitus, the patron saint of actors, comedians, dogs, and epileptics—who protects you from animal attacks, lightning strikes, and that vicious fiend oversleeping. On the way, we stopped at a nondescript bagel shop, where we were met with fine-tasting bagels and the greatest drinks we ever had in Europe: ice-cold Coco-Cola products. You laugh, but nothing in Europe is ever cold enough. It was amazing.

best Sprite of my life

Morgan and I enjoyed the characteristic New Europe Tour biiig finish story, did a little exploring, and managed to basically follow the tour's exact route back to where we started. Not, of course, without buying a few presents along the way. Just before dark we picked up $2 dinner at a little mini-market—a baguette, apples, cheese, and cookies, for less than 100 Czech koruna or about four dollars total—and headed back to our hostel where someone was playing some brass instrument very softly pretty much the whole time. We never discovered the culprit. We spoke to a nice Australian woman who was in our room, checked our email on the Czechernet, talked for several hours, and went to bed early. This is a recurring theme.

on the Charles Bridge again

The next morning, because who could resist?, we went to the Museum of Communism, which is nestled comfortably between a McDonald's and a casino. It was by far the jankiest museum I have ever encountered, and it got consistently jankier as we walked through. The early exhibits were nicely postered and hung, despite some questionable translations. But by the end, there was literally a piece of paper, in a page protector, held up by a bent-open paper clip. Awesome. Some of the better Czanglish sentences were "Timely arrival to work deals the decesive strike against the American aggressors!" and "A young builder of socialism looks different from a decadent swine."

Morgan was concerned, and with good reason.

After a return to Bohemia Bagel, we took the Castle Tour, which is run by the Free Tour people... but is not free. Deception. But our guide, Katka, was Czech, and quite good at the castle tour considering it was only the second time she had done it. On the tour, we learned that the Czechs invented sugar cubes, beer, and... jello wrestling? I am skeptical. But unless you can prove someone else invented jello wrestling, I'm going to keep believing it. There was a weirdly early break on this tour to sample some Czech beer, which was basically disgusting, though I imagine it would have been good to someone who was hardcore into beer. Very bitter and dark, but at least now I can say I've had Czech beer.

Because I failed to write down everything and only managed most things, I can't recall on which day Morgan and I went to the town square market, but we'll say it was this day. Why not? There was a vast array of stalls full of things like "hot mead," "Super Vaffle," and various other delicious-looking foods, but we settled for a little cup of hot mead to stave off the cold that was creeping in with the retreating sun. It tasted like two drinks in one! First a really, really strong alcohol taste, which was then replaced by sweet apple cider taste. Very weird. We were tempted to try the Super Vaffles, but somehow resisted.

Morgan skeptical but optimistic about the hot mead

One slightly more expensive dinner later (we upgraded to better cookies and got some shameful Diet Pepsis this time), and we were headed back for another delightfully relaxing night.

Saturday morning we did what anyone with half a mind would do on their last day in Prague, and headed back to the old town square to eat some food. We settled on the thing it seemed like everyone around us was settling on, a large, lumpy, roundish piece of dough fried and topped with various sweets and savouries. We split one of these "big things" covered in Nutella, and it was certainly an optimal lunch. Also huge. By that time, somehow, it was time to depart from Prague, taking only a few gifts, several pages of notes, and a hefty portion of Czech puns back with us. After a plane ride that was too turbulent for anyone's taste, we parted at East Midlands and I took a very rambunctious train back to Grantham just in time for dinner.